thoughts

Yeaterday was the last day of TKD trainin b4 the long break for our exams. Gave it my all. New, unknown explosive energy flow into me. It was an energy surge. Dunno where it came from or what triggered it. I was untired, unbeaten. I felt invincible. Even Hairol who as always better than me was awe at my new found strength. Before I explain any further, take note that we are being train by a National Team Black belt, a SEA GAMES bronze medalist. He was invited down to train us. Courtesy of Sir Vincent. It was fun though. He gave us a taste of what they receive during national team trainin. Plenty of combo kicks and counter attack. Learnt alot from him. During the counter attck routine, i was given the privilege of pairing up with Sir Elmo. If you think that because I was only a Green tip, he would show a little mercy. Guess again. He gave his 100% power. Was back thrust a few times, turning kick many times. I felt like a sandbag. But sometimes, I do get 1 or 2 kicks in. Sir elmo was nice, he helped me alot. Gave a lot of tips and advice plus a few valuble tactics. Sir Vince too was there to guide me. I was havin trouble with my slide back and kick. He made me feel the momentum and i turn it into second nature.

After trainin, felt my whole body ache. I wasnt a painful feeling though but kinda like a wonderful feeling. Tired but nonetheless satisfied that i've learnt a few valuble lessons. Hopefully i could put them to good use. As usual, we brudders head down to our usual haunt, Clementi fountain. The guys were talkin junk as usual. I was sittin eating my hotdog. Minding my own business.

After that it sets me thinking, even till now. I lay down on the stone seats. Stare up to the sky. And wonder what she's doing? I decided to msg. She was on a bike so realise better not sms. Its dangerous to sms on a bike, even if ur pillion. At 11 we head for home. Reached home took a shower and head straight to bed. At last a long deserved rest for me.

"I dunno whats becoming of us. Is is because of what I said or done? or is it because of me as a person? I dunno if ur avoiding me, or im avoiding you or maybe we're avoiding each other. Maybe i should apologise. I dunno. Even if i haven done anything, maybe i should. I dunno whats happening up there in your head or heart. Even with that uncanny ability to put 2 and 2 together, this i cannot solve. I hope things were back to what it was before. Not to the time we dunno each other, not to the time we 1st met but the time when i knew that you had some feelings for me. Remember the sms. "I think about u too much already i think...", remember those late night conversations, remember the rose on valentines day, remember those days i sent you home, remember those happy times together. I remember those days. I really do. Because they hav been encryted into my memories to be kept forever and ever. Because every moment with you, I fear that it would be the last time. Thats why I truly made ever hour, every minute, ever second worthwhile for the me and for you 2. If possible, I would like that moment to last forever. Im not the best and will never be. I know im not perfect. Im not handsome. Im not that smart. But I do know that I would do anything juz to hav one breath of her hair, hell i would even fight juz to breathe in the same air ur breathing in. To see your face every morning is enough to make my whole day. I feel sad when ur sad. I cry when u cry. Im happy when ur happy. I can see that we share quite a lot of common interest. Is it good? or bad? It depends on each and every individual. Every sms, every email is kept because, i dunno if that particular sms or email is gonna be the last. Never hav i felt so attached to something so deeply before. It intruges me. Im baffled. Im dumbstruck. Tell me whats ur secret? Is they some kind of spell involved. If there is. Please keep me hypnotise. Because i dunno if i could ever survive, if the spell is ever lifted. I know that i can be such a pain in the ass at times. But thats me. Sometimes i push to get what i want. I've been patient. very patient. Because im afraid of blowing it. Everyday is a constant battle. I use to feel like im winnig the battle with each passing day. Now, its the other way round. Its like you're sittin next to me, and I cant hav you. Its like ur a bed of roses. So lovely and nice. But in order to get you, i will hav to endure the thorns. If im not careful, i'll get stung. I hav tread with caution. It like walkin in a mine field. 1 wrong move and that it. Your like the weather. Unpredictable. Usually i can sense that other people are feeling. So i know when to draw the line. But for you, its like there is a firewall, and unknown force which blocks me from gettin to know you more. This unknown force. i dunno where is its origin. Hopefully i day i could bypass it. Hopefully, i will find a flaw in it somewhere. I've written so much. Enough to make any girl realise something. I dunno bout you. I dunno how you feel or think. So far you know who you are right."

Or dont you? Anyway. I hope i could shed some light. Make some things clear. I know that im not suppose to write anything bout you in here. But i juz couldnt help it. I dont hav a diary. I need to write this down somewhere. To make my feelings known. I couldnt say it out to you, because its difficult. So I wrote it here where I feel much at ease. I express myself better when i write it down. I guess you understand coz u hav the same problem as well right. Ambiguous. Oh im havin a writer's block now. Cant think what to write anymore. I guess it god's way of tellin me thats enough. Aiight. I guess i better stop now.

So long.....

-blog out-