Random thoughts

Juz when I thought life was starting to get better. Was suddenly reminded of a certain past, Injured myself again during training and im experiencing a strong sense of dejavu.
 
Been thinking, will I ever be good in Taekwondo? SP have been producing very good fighters. Well look at the seniors, if you need prove. Now with the new batches. Surely not all are good, maybe 1 or 2 blacksheeps will surely appear. At first, when I joined, I didnt really thought much bout the rest. I didnt have any friends. So naturally, I thought i was the best, among the newbies. Elmo was always picking on me and the rest were always commenting that my kick was powerful and such. So I was pretty confident of my abilities. After my first grading, my ego was greatly boosted when I learn that I got a double. People whom I had thought that would get, didnt and people whom I thought would not, got it. I was aiming for a 2nd double since then and have yet to achieve it. Some of my compatriots, had gotten their 2nd double, some even had their 3rd. I was starting to lose hope but I held on. Then came my greatest blow. My turning kick sucks. I couldn't even do a proper high turning kick. My groin muscle seem to be rather stiff. Maybe its all due to lack of stretching or warm up. But I have been doing extra stretching before the training, and why I still can't kick. Others hav long overtook me. Hairul, Zheng Kai, Jarrich even the girls are showing something. Now Im starting to think maybe Im not cut out to be among the best. Im having doubts about my abilities. Maybe Im more of an academic person rather than a sports kind of person. Maybe Im those nerd kinds whom all girls look down upon, wear those dorky glasses, either flabby or as thin "satay" stick kind or person. Never the popular, handsome type.
 
Heh, sure lots of negativity today. Nvm, dunno wat to type bout today so might as well ramble ramdomly.....
 
No matter how much I try, no matter what I do, I cant seem to get her out of my system.
 
"Met a girl Thought she was grand Fell in love Found out first hand Went well For a week or two Then it all came unglued In a trapped trip I can't grip Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip Then I started to realise I was living one big lie"
 
But i cant seem to forget...... 
 
"i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to health is pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase"
 
As much as i hate it, I miss her. But the thing is....
 
"She f***ing hates me Trust She f***ing hates me La, la, la, la I tried too hard And she tore my feelings Like I had none And ripped them away"
 
heh, more ramdom ramblings.....
 
Ok them came another blow,  met someone new. Well not new ah. An old long lost friend. Use to have a crush on her in primary school. She not the popular type whom every guys wants to date or even the type who every guys dislike, she was juz the average girl next door type. She's still attractive to me though after all this years. Not wanting to repeat old mistakes, I vow to myself never to reveal my true feelings. I don't have to tell how I feel, she will know and I will know, when the time comes.
 
The past 3 days, I was busy, and never came online. So 3 days I hadnt chat with her. Today, was hoping to chat with her. She was online, I was beginning to get happy, when I saw her nick. It was in malay but the translation goes like this.
 
"For the first time, the doors of my heart,  are being knocked by 3 guys. Haiz Dilemma"
 
Being myself, I pull myself together and said Hey, ask how is she and tried to lend a listening ear. She doesnt suspect a thing that I like her. Gave her a few advice and I can tell that she was very grateful towards me. Am happy for that. But as I've promise myself, I wont reveal my feelings. Let her figure it herself. I rather hurt myself than to hurt the ones I love. To think of it. She use to hate boys when she was in primary school. Use to scream and shout at the boys, Which included me of coz. Haha.
 
Ok lah enought rambling for today..... my finger are starting to get tired of typing. Will blog in..... um soon I hope....haha getting tired of blogging. haiz anyway, dont worry I wont stop blogging completely, coz this seems to be the only way I could express myself freely...... bye for now ...... ciao
 
-blog out-