Such a sulky day today. Even the weather correspond with my mood. It rained heavily. Woke up pretty late. Showered, had brunch (breakfast cum lunch) then off to do some revision. Half way thru, had to do some work for dad. Didnt do much when my uncle msg me. Had a video conference. Its been awhile since I updated him bout life in Singapore. Its Grandma's birthday today so wish her thru the net. Miss them a lot. Saw Sofea, Thoriq and Hannah. Boy are they a sight for sore eyes. Chatted for awhile. Then had to continue my work.
Juz finish dad's work and my project 1. Time started 1pm. Time ended 11.30pm. Haiz i guess thats what happen if you procastinate in between. Nonetheless i manage to get it done. Only saw her online for awhile. In the afternoon. Juz ask how she was doing thats all. Kinda pathetic. Well at least i ask. Was feelin rather scared, afraid that she might react negatively. Dunno if she read my previous entry. The amount i wrote yesterday. I was thinkin. If i were a girl and a guy wrote that to me, well i would weep. feel sorry for him. A few readers, commented the same. I guess they were touch too. Be it boy or girl. Haiz. I dunno lah. Im in no position to say anything. "Another man's meat is another man's poison". What seem harmless to oneself doesnt mean its harmless to the rest and vice versa. All im saying is different people hav different opinions and thinking style.
She hasnt log in since then. Thoughts of uncertainty cross my mind. Is she safe? Whom is she with? Where is she? Is she happy? All sorts of questions. 21 questions. 101 questions. All come in at once. Was listenin to the songs randomly in my playlist. When Breeze's "Just a feeling" came on. Manage to capture a phrase in the song. Which goes like this "And if you love somebody else,
will you still pretend you're mine? Would you leave me like that? It's just a feeling i have." Am i so desperate to resort to those ways? I dunno for a moment there, I thought I could. But in the long run, complications would occur. Well there nothing much i can do though. All i do now is be a friend. Someone whom she can confine to if she needs help. But it seems she has others whom she trust more. Mainly its my fault. For not trying to get to know her more and vice versa. I remember she once said, she felt more incline towards me. I thought it was gonna be the 1st step towards a beautiful friendship. But alas look at what it turn out to be. Now fear has arise. Fear of losing again. Now i understand where the new explosive energy comes from. Its the fear. I quote from the game "Max Payne" - "I dont know bout angels. But its the fear that gives man wings". Now I understand the meaning of it all. In fear, man can do many wonders.
I hav nothing else to write now. But let me end with a song which happens to be playing right now on my playlist. Its by Breeze again but this time its titled "To Stay".
i'm tired of closing
my eyes without u
i want u closer
i don't know what to do
i see it come
i can't turn away
i'll never let u
let u go away
I make my mind up
i'd taste the love i know the game
don't wanna lose ya
don't wanna lose ya
and i never wanna let u go
everything u do commits me to stay
it's the hardest thing i'd ever have to say
cos i know that i been light years away
everything u do now
everything commits me to stay
you're all that matters
matters to me
you're all i want now
how could i let it be
whatever happens
i'll be in ur eyes
i'll take it bck and
give it all inside
I make my mind up
i'd taste the love i know the game
d'ont wanna lose it
dun wanna lose ya
and i never wanna let u go
everything u do commits me to stay
it's the hardest thing i'd ever have to say
cos i know that i been light years away
everything u do now
everything commits me to stay
-blog out-
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